I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
