the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize