hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
