You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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