I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
