I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
