im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
