I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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