You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize