but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Drunk is not a location!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
