Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
