I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize
