You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
