I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
