I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
