I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
