PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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