Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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