i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize