it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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