Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
