well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
