I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
