I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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