I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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