We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
