In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
