Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
