Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
