what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
