My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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