i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
