I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
