After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
