We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
