Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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