Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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