Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
