I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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