I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
