Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
