He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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