kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
