She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
