saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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