This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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