The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize