the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize