Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
