OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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