a queef is a wish your heart makes.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
