Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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