I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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