She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
