Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
