i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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