I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize