I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
