I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
