I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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