respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
