I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
