question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
