The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
