Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You ruined the universe
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize