"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
