went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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